Author's notes: Written for an rp yet again- a short conversating between Subaru and Seishirou. This is a brief and sweet take on what might have been, post-X, was destiny not in the way of our favorite star-crossed lovers.
Interlude
By Ari
"You wouldn't really do that to Kamui, would you?" Rather than the sweet, gentle voice he is used to hearing, now, it is a direct question with an edge of bitterness and sadness, as he was used to hearing once.
He has a choice: honesty, which was that he would do that and worse to Kamui if he had reason- a pretty doll of a boy he felt nothing for- or the sweet lies he has grown so accustomed to telling. As usual, the choice is obvious: "Of course not, Subaru-kun."
Subaru has grown so accustomed to his sweet lies as well.
But there is something else this time, as well. Pain- Subaru's nails on his bared chest as a warning against his behavior. As if Subaru would be willing to hurt him for Kamui's sake. It is not the pain that annoys him- pain is nothing to him, save an eloquent reminder that despite his best intentions he is still alive- but rather the petty feeling that rises up inside of him at Subaru's action. Jealousy. Mindless, groundless jealousy, at that, given that he now knew that's Kamui's life was second to his mere whim. Still, he felt it. As if such a pointless emotion was fit for the...
The... what?
The man that was now Sakurazuka Seishirou? Was a veterinarian above feeling jealous over his lover?
Of course not. The Sakurazukamori was, certainly. Perhaps a Dragon of Earth was, perhaps an assassin of the Sakurazuka clan. But he is none of these things any longer.
Not that he misses these things. They were distractions in the routine motions of living, certainly, but each had become the same monotonous prison as the one before.
Perhaps it is only a matter of time until this phase of his life becomes the same thing.
He hates being annoyed.
His hand clenches in Subaru's silk-soft hair and he brings the only eyes that have ever haunted his dreams to meet his own. So much brighter now... they actually shine with fear, not just glitter dully into his with pain deep enough to drown in.
Those eyes.
"I could break your arm, and not feel anything."
Shocked horror. First tears shed to mark a decade of little else.
He had been annoyed then, too.
"I do not hate you- but I do not love you either
"I feel nothing for you at all."
Maybe annoyed. Possibly... he doesn't even know the word for it, but he know it is something he should not feel. So much the better to end it now, and never find out.
Bright green, and terrified.
But couldn't killing him now be proof of that strange, panicked emotion he feels? Wouldn't it be so much better proof of his lack of feeling to let him live, and simply never see him again? So much better...
Bright green, and terrified.
"Subaru-kun..." He exhales softly. Emotions have always been difficult things, ever since he recognized he had them. Guilt and love had been the worst so far- those were the two strong ones he felt most often- until he remembered one he wished he hadn't, one so terribly unfamiliar that, just like the last time he felt it, lays waste to his psyche.
Fear...
Fear of how close he came, then, to giving in to his panic and annoyance and discomfort and putting an end to the thing that brought them. So close- just one swift movement, an act he has performed too many times, and it would be over. Fear of how close he came to destroying the one thing that brought him peace, knowing now that it would have been nothing but a sentence to send the mockery of life that was his existence alone.
Certainly, Seishirou had his regrets...
Should have kissed you then- beautiful thing- should have told you and maybe not seen the depths of hurt I caused and maybe both of us could have gone back to your apartment and I could tell you more- but, one moment's hesitation, and... then I'm whispering in your ear...
But not killing Subaru was not one of them.
Fear... not for Subaru this time, but for himself.
He pulls Subaru close, and buries his face in the fineness of his black hair, trying to lose himself in its comforting darkness.
Pools of liquid green...
So tired of being alone.
"Do you know why the sakura petals are pink?"
Even then.
"I'll make a bet with you..."
Even if I lose, I win.
"Subaru-kun..." Soft lips brush his ear and try to soothe him. For the second time in his life, he surrenders completely to the warmth of the white dove he knows he should instead be hunting.
For he has lost.
And won.
"Subaru-kun..."
Boku wa...